Today, I have no premonitions. I am unsure of my future, but I am fighting to have one. My mind is cloudy and overwhelmed from the aftermath of my recent and severe suicide attempt. After I arrived back home from the hospital yesterday, the sorrow, sadness and pain resurfaced, bringing back many of the same […]
As you reach your tender sixteen, there are a couple of things I would like to share with you. I want to start by telling you, my beloved daughter, that I love you endlessly. I fell in love with you when I heard your heartbeat for the first time. I fell in love with you when you clutched to my bosom in the middle of the night. I fell in love with the way you smile, with how you smell, wih every single piece of you because you are a part of me. You have to know that, to me, you are far more precious than the Kohinoor diamond. Hadassah, you are a blessing in my life and I’m forever grateful to God for proffering me the good fortune to be your mother.
Darling, you are not born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You are born with a sword in your hand. You are neither the hopeless princess of a disneyland nor the delicate sleeping beauty of a fairytale. No! You are not any of those. You are a warrior. A true warrior. You do not need someone to save your bacon because inside you lies all the might to guard yourself and others as well from the demons. You are that much admirably invincible, my goddess. You’re growing up to be a beautiful woman tomorrow. Seek not, my child, to be the evanescent beauty that pleases nothing but the eyes. I’d rather you seek to be the sempiternal beauty that pleases everything but the eyes. Oh dear! What fools these mortals be who acquiesce to society’s decree. Fair or ebony, tall or knee high to a gnat, it matters not; for beauty transcends the conventional to alight on a face- as fresh as the morning dew, to alight on lips- words they enounce soft and gentle and to alight in a heart- generous and tolerant. This is the unvarnished definition of beauty, love.
Being your mother, honey, I bestowed upon you this thing called ‘life’. Yet, you have to feel alive. And for you to feel alive, you should forge your own identity. You have been put on The Promised Land with a divine purpose. It is your cardinal mission to honour and give meaning to your life by discovering the reason for your existence. Once you uncover your ikigai, stick to it like a moth to the flame. Earn your livelihood around what spurs you to get out of bed at 5 a.m. You enjoy photography? Be a photographer. You enjoy cooking? Be a chef. I’d be proud if you choose to get your hands dirty just to keep your passion burning. Pour your heart into what you do, and I promise you will wear the crown in your chosen field one day. Do not get too comfortable settling. It’s like being trapped in a dark, scary room where you are screaming at the top of your lungs with no one to hear you. You don’t want that, do you? So, embrace challenges. Be on the go. Try. Rise. Fall. A thousand times over. Experience life-both with its lemons; and colourful spices and flavours. Flatline is for the dead.
Hadassah,you are bathing in the fountain of youth. You are just about to explore the different facets of your sexuality. Your sacred feminine spirit is calling on you to wear that little black dress, to do that gorgeous make-up or to dream of a charming prince on a white horse. However, there will also be moments of skepticism and disdain when you will feel like the ugliest creature on Earth, especially after watching The Oscars. It’s perfectly normal. Through it all, I want you to act responsibly with your body. You owe it to yourself. Your first kiss with your boyfriend might make you want to believe in French romance and the happily-ever-after kind of love. Why shouldn’t you anyway? But I want you to believe in second love, too. The kind of love that feels like hushed waves washing over a dry shore-yeah, it does exist. I’m not gonna ask you to look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. It’s also a cruel place here, my child. A pig-ignorant society will judge you. There will be men who will drool over your body. You must absolutely learn to say ‘no’ without apology. It is not your responsibility to smother the lingering lewd thoughts men have around your physical features or material attire. You are not accountable to me, let alone to your next-door neighbour, or your uncles and aunts. You are accountable to your conscience. Just do good no matter what and stay true to who you are.
A rich life is what you deserve, Hadassah,Travel to places you’ve never been before. Learn a new language. Read books. Laugh out loud. Do the bungee jump. Dance under the moonlight. Be goofy. Love fiercely. Eat your greens. Lift heavy. Rock your heels. You have but one life to make the most out of it. Baby, you are a powerhouse of intellect, courage and joy. You are a million stars under a sky. Sprinkle your angelic shine everywhere you go.
Too many games, and too many lies…
They told you they loved you and didn’t show it one too many times.
Now a days a people are perfectly okay with situationships. They aren’t really together with the person they want to be with, but they aren’t really available for anyone else either.
I personally never really understood the whole “a bond is better than a title” bullshit. A situationship is the only ship people are willing to be in nowadays because they are too afraid to commit. Too afraid to put their feelings on the line, and actually give a shit. A REALationship consists of a consistent, and never ending willingness to do what it takes to make the ship stay afloat.
True love never dies, but willingness can and will if you let it. When two people care enough,and love each other enough they are WILLING to go the extra mile to fix any issues in their REALationship. Their will power is just too strong to succumb to any odds that may not be in their favor, in other words, they don’t give up. Love can be enough, if you have the strength to let it be. If you love someone enough you will never look in someone else’s direction because the thought of betraying your partners love and trust will eat you alive. If you love someone enough you will have the will power to resist any of the devils temptations. If you love someone enough you will never stop showing them just how much. You will have the will power to find new ways to make sure your lover knows they are loved and appreciated above all else. If you love someone enough you will do any and everything to keep the love alive.
People are so quick to let challenges defeat them big or small. Those are people you need to RUN from. Do not I repeat DO NOT let a sucker capture your heart. They will suck your heart dry. They will have you living in situationship limbo as long as they can until you realize what is going on and decide enough is enough. Im here to give y’all some tips on how to spot and steer clear from situationship suckers:
Top 4 Situationship Suckers
The bond is better than a title sucker
These situationship suckers are everything you are looking for minus the one trait they try their darnedest to hide from you. They aren’t just about you! They want you to be just about them without them having to be just about you. They will tell you all the right things, and do all the right things to make you feel like their #1, but you sure aren’t their only one. They’ll tell you how special you are to them but not forget to remind you that you aren’t special enough to make them actually wanna be with you and do right by you. Just because they are confused about their feelings does’t mean you have to be. Don’t fall victim to their unstable ways, when stability is what you are looking for. Look out for the biggest sign there is. If its been months or years of you being everything they want but not getting the true commitment that you deserve then GET OUT. Don’t let their words fuel your self worth. Actions speak loud and clear, if they want to be with you then they will be with you. Don’t let them suck you into thinking that you deserve to be one of many because you won’t find someone else. Truth is there are millions of people out there ready and willing to give you everything you deserve don’t settle for the one who isn’t. The strongest bonds often come with a title.
The best friend/friends with benefits sucker
Best friend I never want to lose you, but I do wanna use you…. to get relationship benefits. These situationship suckers play the I don’t want to ruin our friendship by getting together card to get what they want out of you without having to truly be with you. They avoid the commitment by making you feel like its completely reasonable to not be together because it will ruin your friendship. Well let me tell you that their excuse is null and void. If they truly love and care about you, and the friendship is truly genuine then it will carry over and become even better overtime with or without the relationship. If they are getting relationship benefits, i.e sex, kissing, and commitment out of you but not giving you the same in return then they are just using you. They aren’t truly your friend either because no true friend would play with their friends heart/feelings for their own personal gain. Thats just plain evil. Don’t let these situationship suckers trick you in to feeling as if you can’t find a lover and best friend all in one who will be wiling to commit to you and give you everything you deserve. It is more than possible to be in love with your best friend. If they are truly your best friend they wouldn’t want to ever do anything to break your heart. Therefore, they would not string you along making you feel like you both share something special just to get a nice fuck out of you. Love is best when you share it with your best friend.
The when it’s convenient sucker
These suckers make it seem like it all peaches at first. They come around often, they go out with you, they text you often, and may even confess feelings for you. They will kiss you, hold your hand, sleep over and make you feel as if you two are an item, but they will never directly say it. Then one day, they will just disappear for a while. During this time they will suck you into thinking that something is wrong with you. Make you feel as if you did something wrong to steer them away. Truth is during this time they have either been saving face with their next victim or are back to playing house at home with their family. Though they will never say what was truly up, they will come back around, and this time with an apology and/or an excuse as to why they had disappeared. Maybe they’ve been busy with work, or they had family problems, blah blah blah. Truth of the matter is they were available for you in the beginning work and all. When they say these things they will tell some elaborate story as to why this situation was so different. Just know, that you aren’t a toy and they aren’t allowed to play you like a flute. Their blah blah bullshit cannot be tolerated. These situationship suckers will drag you on a rollercoaster ride of hurt if you let them. You deserve someone who wants you at all times. Not when its most convenient for them, and damn sure not when they are tired of the first and/or next person. No matter the circumstances you deserve a love that will be around through the highs and lows.
The side piece sucker
You give me a feeling I’ve never had before, not even my person can make me feel the way you do. Thats why I am going to leave them for you. These suckers sell dreams to you making you feel as if you will become their main, but as time goes on you are still believing those dreams will become your reality. They treat you good, take you on dates, stay the night with you, but once they get that call or text they are gone. They still jump when their main says jump, reminding you every time how unimportant you are. These situationship suckers draw you in by selling you lies. They may even go to the extent of going long periods of time of making it seem as if their main is out the picture by spending all their time with you and giving you all their attention. Then comes the excuses as to why they went back to them, or cant shake them. Don’t let these kind of suckers trick you into thinking you deserve to be second to anyone. You are worth more than coming second time and time again. There are millions of people out there willing to put you first, always. These situationship suckers can drag down to your lowest point making you feel as if you can’t do better than them, but believe me when I say if they cant give you what you need/deserve there are plenty of somebodies who can. Everyone deserves to be someones main and only love.
All kinds of crazy shit happens. You first experience love, sex, heartbreak, all kinds of drama. You hear a lot, do a lot, and see a lot all in a short period of time.
Lets talk about it!
What kind of situationship suckers have you run into?
Are their any other kinds of situationship suckers that weren’t listed above that others should be warned about? Please share their traits.
Do you think men or women are more prone to being the situationship suckers?Why?
Opening up about a personal problem is almost unheard of in today’s society. We are taught to put on our best faces and leave that extra baggage at home. However, in those rare moments when others do peel away the mask, there seems to be a generic fallback response:
Someone else has it worse.
Reminding someone who is hurting that other people have it worse is one of the worst possible things to say. What is the point in saying this? To remind us that we don’t have it all that bad?
SPOILER ALERT – we already know this.
Do you honestly think saying that is going to make us feel better? Yet, for some reason, this is one of the most popular responses given to those in pain seeking help and encouragement from others.
Someone else has it worse. It is a tactic introduced by parents at a very young age. It usually starts with “eat your food, there are starving children elsewhere,” and later evolves to “be happy, there are people who are not as fortunate as you.” Albeit a very good tactic for getting children to appreciate what they have before them, it is not something that can be blanketed for every situation.
Unfortunately, anxiety and depression sometimes causes emotions that cannot be explained. Most of the time while venting about feeling a certain way, the corresponding response from the person listening would be to ask why. Doesn’t matter if that person is a therapist, a parent, or even a stranger. That question just seems to make its way out there. But, here’s the thing: sometimes we just don’t have a reason. And because of this, because of the social ignorance regarding this, it takes a lot to open up to someone about said emotions. Especially when these invisible illnesses tend to lead towards isolation.
Asking for help is a big step, but telling someone to cheer up because someone else has it worse is the absolute wrong response. It’s a slap in the face. Salt in the wound. A total shutdown. Though it may seem like a matter of perspective to you, to us it sounds like, “your problems are so unimportant to me, get over yourself.”
That’s the problem with anxiety and depression, they aren’t always rational or logical. Taking things into perspective doesn’t come easily and, even though said with the best intentions, it can increase self deprecation for the person on the receiving end; we feel so pathetic, feeling bad for no reason, when others do have a legitimate reason to but don’t.
But here is what’s forgotten: we don’t live their life, we live our own. Comparing ourselves to another by saying we have it better than they doesn’t promote appreciation and gratitude like it once did when we were children. No. Nowadays, it’s a gateway towards self-righteousness and sanctimony. At least we don’t have it as bad as Jim does.
Instead, learn to be a friend. Listen to the problem and show support. Pointing out another’s misfortune is a cop-out. Something to say when you don’t want to hear the problem but don’t want to seem insensitive.
Listen. That is all we want.
Mental illness is so real.
We hear that so many fathers who are a deadbeat Dads, or walk away from the home and leave their kin behind, but are we asking men to be that perfect father without giving them guidance to do it?
Throughout history men were absent from the home, they went to war for years at a time, they had to work away from the family, fatherhood was just seeding or when the time was right, taking their sons and teaching them how to be a man, the girls were just to make good marriages.
It was the woman’s role to raise a child, the Mama, Grandma the village, men were not in the day to day of it. So why do we expect so much from a man to be a hands-on Dad when genetically, environmentally and culturally he has not brought or taught to do so?
I am seeing today more and more young men taking on fatherhood today, getting right down with it from birth to diapers to everyday chores of parenting, why is this? Is it because the Mum’s are working with careers of their own? Is it because it is sexy to be a hands-on Dad? Is it because the desire to be an interactive father has become something so inviting to a man?
So many grown children feel abandoned by their fathers, but if we understand that it is not the child, or even the Mother, but the culture and DNA of a man, we might reach out to them with more understanding.
The past generation was at the forefront of women in the workplace, they carried such guilt and tried to be everything to everyone, very often at her own expense. The Men had to pick up the slack, but often found it hard, ‘I am the bread winner that’s the Mums job” but no, it is the parent’s job, and that is now today, seen as a gift instead of a core.
It is a luxury for a mother to stay at home to raise the children and most mothers are in the workforce. If a Dad leaves where does that leave the Mum? She has to work twice as hard to provide for her family and be a double parent to her children because today, grandparents and the village is not around to raise them for her.
So, we cannot have the old mentality of a man leaving because it suits him but instead show him not only the responsibility but the joy of being an interactive parent. Those Dads that embrace the gift of fatherhood get it, they know what wonderful thing it is to be a custodian of a child of the earth and can learn so much from their children about being a man a father a human being.
So, let us help our men discover the nurturer within them, help them see fatherhood as that gift, that joy and embrace the discoveries that are to be made through our children.
We see men staying at home to raise the kids because the mothers are earning more than them, we are seeing that there is no shame in this role reversal but instead an opportunity to seed water nurture our children into being all they can be. It takes a man who is strong within, a person at one with self and not succumbing to the ego or insecurity of what is perceived as a real man.
A real man is a man content within himself and confident to be a partner with his spouse and embrace being a father to his children. So let us help men see the benefits, the joy and the honour of being a father to their children, for that will build a better world, a more peaceful world and a world where respect and value of life can be realised because of on hands parenting.
We say there would be no wars he man birthed a child, for who would willingly send a child to die? But I think if men raised a child, full or part time, they would not be so quick to want a war but to find solutions to the world’s problems through interaction and communication that sees things from all sides. For that is what you learn as a parent, the be a coach, a counsellor, a nurture, a tutor, disciplinarian, and guide, a cheerleader and that teaches us skills in being a better person.
It is not always what we teach our children, but what they are here to teach us, for being an interactive parent, you learn so much from your children and we learn to live in gratitude, and simplicity of what really matters in life.
So MAMA’S of the world, teach your sons how to be better sons, better brothers, to respect their mothers, and to value all life equally with love and respect, what a difference it will make to this world and all who live on it.
While being pregnant can be a trying and often times uncomfortable experience, there are moments when being pregnant feels so magical and thrilling that we never want it to end. This is one of those moments .
The day kicked off by meeting Tash who was my make up artist. She made me look 14 and am too old .
One thing is for certain: there’s no other experience in life like it.
Behind the scene
Make up by Tash_patt :0715227455